the newest existential crisis...

I'm not too good at this blog thing yet, mostly because I have a ridiculously discriminating filter on what I deem appropriate for my viewing public of two to read. I don't want to bore you with things like I scored a goal at my soccer game last night (penalty kick goal, my expertise!) and immediately following the game a gnat flew in my eye, which felt like some one poured jalepeno seeds in my eye (luckily my team is composed of future or current physicians, so, no worries, I was taken care of and can almost see clearly again). Concurrently, I don't feel like scaring you away with the burdens of my soul. But, like I said, there are only 2 of you, so here goes with the heavy stuff...

My experiences so far in medical school have added up to a different breed of lifestyle than anything I've ever experienced. There is very little time spent between the extremes of the everyday task (laundy, cooking, etc) and soaking up the knowledge of the microscopic biological facits of the human condition. I dislike this quality of my new reality.

I've always been the heady and serious type, thus, medical school is a perfect fit in many ways. However, I've never had the consciousness of the two types of intellect with which I'm currently wrestling: the intellect with its origin in books and the other with its origin in life. Before now, I feel like I've experienced both, but it was generally either one or the other, never both. During undergrad, my reality, schedule, and thoughts on life revolved around books, while learning from life was something I had simply read about. Life at Nehemiah House opened my eyes to a whole new intellectual currency called community. While the paid-work during my time at Nehemiah House didn't challenge my brain, dealing with my housemates and the stuggles of our neighborhood excavated more truth than 10 or so years of book knowledge. That said, I feel like medical school is a fence, and currently I feel like I'm straddling the fence of individualistic institutional learning and community life, and my soul is being chafed.

Maybe someday, medical school will provide a bridge: a bridge between individualistic institutional learning and community life. I think that bridge will be called my medical career. The present chafing, I feel, is a result of having seen a glimpse of what is possible when people live together in search of wholeness and health, both in their spiritual lives and in their fleshly, biological lives. I'm finding it diffucult to depart from this way of life, even though I'm going out in hopes of gaining skills that will amplify the possibilities of a community's health.

I pray for patience and courage during this isolated portion of the journey.
I pray for partners in the pursuit of balance and wholeness.
I pray for peace in the knowledge that our God is the giver of freedom, love, truth, and hope, and that in Jesus, all things hold together.